Sir William Welles’ Nocturnal Diary

An 8 year old boy went into a grocery store and picked out the largest box of laundry detergent he could find. The grocer walked over and asked if his mommy had a lot of laundry to do.
“Oh, no this isn’t for laundry”, said the boy, “I’m going to wash my dog.”
“You shouldn’t use this stuff on your dog!” advised the grocer. “It’s very powerful. If you wash your dog in this, he’ll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him.”
But the determined boy wouldn’t listen and carried the detergent to the checkout to pay for it.
A week later, the same boy was back in the store to buy some cookies. The grocer spotted him and asked how his dog was doing.
“Oh, he died,” said the boy with a shrug.
“I’m really sorry to hear that,” said the grocer, “but I did try to warn you about using that detergent on your dog.”
“I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him,” replied the boy.
“Oh,” said the grocer. “What was it, then?”
“I think it was the spin cycle.”

Greetings my dear Gothlings!

While I’ve been posting all of this romantic stuff on my blog, I was thinking of pet names people in a relationship call each other, like sweetie, darling, smoochums, lovey, and honey. HONEY! EWWWW!!!!! If there is something you should know about me is that I detest honey and find it to be the sickest thing on Earth humans eat! Andrew Zimmern on Bizarre Foods can do an entire show on the disgusting ooze that is honey!

Don’t you realize what honey is?!?! It’s bee vomit!!!! Did you know that from the moment a bee slurps up nectar from a flower to the final point when honey is…well…honey, it is ingested and regurgitated and then ingested again (mouth to mouth!!!) between 23 different bees!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UGH!!! I’m getting nauseous just thinking about it. I need a bucket!

Don’t Eat Honey!!!

See you in the Dark!
Sir William (retching) Welles

Greetings my dear Gothlings!

It’s me again (duh), with 4 more (lengthy) romantic gestures for those of whom are lovelorn. Let’s dive right in, shall we?

11. Gifts. everyone, and I mean every-one loves receiving something from a loved one, family member, and/or friend. It is a very ancient and basic animal instinct to show appreciation toward someone or something else. Have you ever had a cat bring and offer you a dead mouse or bird? It’s the cutest gesture…although a bit gross. However, did you know that there is actually a distinct difference between a “gift” and a “present?” Yup! You see, a “present” is something you give to someone because you want that someone to have it (think: lingerie, an article of clothing, a book by your favorite author you want to share, etc., that you would enjoy seeing them have and use). A “gift,” on the other hand, is something the recipient wants, like maybe her favorite perfume, those pair of black lace gloves she’s been eyeballing for the last month, or the latest book by her favorite author. Not to say that a gift is better than a present, or the other way around. Hardly, but you should know that there is a difference and this will guide you in picking out the perfect gift or present for your lover. Now…on that note, we all know too well about the obligatory gift and present giving for the major occasions (ie. Birthdays, Halloween (we Goths really should start a more formal tradition of gift-giving to each other every Halloween, especially amongst like-minded friends), anniversaries, XMas or whatever other religious thing-a-ma-bob holiday you might be into, etc.), but offering things “out-of-the-blue” for small or non-occasions really packs a romantic punch for either partner! [Bitter side note: in my 8 year relationship with my ex-fiance, I must have bought her hundreds of gifts and presents! The ONLY thing she ever bothered giving me was: a wallet, a book on N.Y.C. history (actually, that book I really like…only because I had to hint for it), and tickets to see Chicago on my birthday…the last birthday I spent with her…Grrrrrrr *shakes fist in the air*]. Wait! Don’t get me wrong here! Offering presents and gifts to a loved one is not in any way a competition or by any means a barometer of your love for each other! O.k…let me explain it like this: If you were fortunate enough to have had really thoughtful parents whilst growing up (Geez, I hope you did! Thanks for everything Deadbeat Dad!), did you ever experience a day when your Mom or Dad brought home a toy, or a piece of candy, or anything really, not because it was your birthday, or because you did your chores correctly, or even for getting an A+ on a test…no, I mean just because they loved you and saw something in a store that made them think of you and knew it would bring just a little bit of happiness into your life (no matter how Gothy-bleak your life may have been) when they witnessed the surprised expression on your little Babybat face? Well, this is the exact same principle! Be prepared (remember rule/tip #1) and carry around with you a small piece of paper (or commit it to memory) with all of her/his clothing/shoe sizes written on it, as well as her favorite “this & thats” that she/he mentions from time to time. You don’t have to constantly be giving large and expensive items, on the contrary; small, inexpensive, yet thoughtful and frequent items are much more impressive, and make sure there is some meaning and symbolism behind the item — give it depth! You know the adage: “It’s not the size of the gift that matters, it’s the thought that counts.” That is precisely my point. Every time that you wander into a store or mall, always reserve somewhere in the back of your festering brain a spot that will constantly be asking: “Is this something [insert name here] would really like/enjoy/needs/be amused by?” If the answer is yes, and if you can afford it, then buy it. If you can’t afford it, just make a mental or physical note to remind you to come back for said item at a later date when you’ll have the funds. You don’t even need to get the item wrapped up in a fancy-schmancy way either…that’s where tip #12 chimes in…

12. Be creative with your gift/present packaging. You are Goth, and by nature you are a very creative creature, use that right side of your brain! instead of the usual “put-gift-in-box-wrap-with-expensive-yet-purdy-paper-and-finish-with-ribbon-and-a-bow” (YAWN!) gift presentation, do something different and clever! Here are some cool ideas:

♥ Use gift bags instead of boxes. You can find all sorts of these paper bags at Greeting Card stores, Duane Reades, and RiteAids (Aids is never right, huh?), CVSs, etc.. My favorite is this one bag that is sold at the Duane Reade by my family’s restaurant, which has a close-up picture of a youg boy picking his nose with a menacing scowl on his face, and the words above him read: “I picked this out especially for you!”

♥ Be sure to also use tissue paper to further wrap, and sometimes protect, your gift, especially when you are using a gift bag. It adds more layer of mystery as the recipient digs to find the gift or present.

♥ Do you have something that is flat to give…a sweater maybe? Be really daring and buy a small or large pizza box from your local pizza place (they might even give you a new and clean one for free if you buy a couple of slices) and put your item in it and leave it out for her/him to see! Or better yet, put the whole thing in the fridge!!!

♥ In the same style, you can also do this with those Chinese food take-out boxes…you know, the ones they put the rice in. Or even a pastry/cake/bakery box complete with the white and red stripped string! Be creative with deceptive packaging, however, DO NOT package a gift/present in a bag or box from her favorite store or a very high-end store when it is not from there! For example, everyone, more or less, can recognize the light blue Tiffany’s box and ribbon; don’t you dare package an inferior gift that was not purchased at Tiffany’s in a superior box such as that! The rule of thumb here is to package a superior gift/present in an inferior box/bag/packaging.

♥ Try the “gift within a gift” approach! Let me explain: make the packaging/wrapping/presentation a gift or present in itself! Instead of wrapping a box with a bow, use a feathered hairpiece! Or, perhaps, wrap a gift with a tee-shirt or another piece of clothing (as long as it fits), and tie it all together with a satin ribbon that can be used later on. The Container Store has all sorts of boxes and…well…containers that can be used for multiple things…BE CREATIVE!

♥ If you must/want to go with the traditional box/wrapping paper route, at least get creative with the paper! Use newspaper or magazine pages with a dark or pertinent theme on it; find (and stock up on) Halloween themed wrapping paper to use throughout the year; If you are particularly artistic, find solid colored wrapping paper and draw all over the package once it’s wrapped (this works exceptionally well with solid black wrapping paper and a metallic silver paint marker!); wrap a gift using a poster of your significant other’s favorite band or movie (this takes a bit of skill and is recommended for medium to lager sized boxes); or use lined notebook school paper, parchment paper, or anything else paper-y-ish!For getting creative with your gift/Present packaging get to know, visit, browse, and shop these speciality stores in New York City: Lee’s Art Shop, Pearl Paints, Kate’s Paperie, Paper Presentation, & Print Icon. If anything, simply browsing these stores will definitely inspire you when it comes to gift and/or presents as well as packing them!

13. A wise man once said: “Planning doesn’t kill spontaneity…it creates opportunity!” While being spontaneous can seem very romantic, it is a knack that not everyone possesses. A lot of elements and variables come into play when trying to do things with your lover “on a whim.” Here is my solution: Perceived Spontaneity! Sit down for fifteen minutes to a half an hour one night and jot down on a piece of paper at least 10 ideas of things to do with your girl/boyfriend “on a whim.” Think of it as planning out your next 10 dates. When doing this, think especially of things that can be done at the spur of the moment and that can easily accommodate both of your hectic schedules, energy levels, and affordability. This concept is pretty simple in the fact that what you may have planned out in advance, if not communicated to your lover until the very last minute will always seem spontaneous to them! Or at least will seem extremely thoughtful. CAUTION! Sometimes even the best laid out plans can back fire on you…try to also have a back-up or plan B!!!

14. Cook for her! Break the old belief that women are the ones who should do all the “cooking” and men only do “grilling.” If that is true, then why is the majority of chefs in restaurants men? I never understood that. Anyways…Listen guys, preparing and creating a gourmet quality meal really isn’t that difficult at all! I do it all the time! If you can follow instructions on how to install and use new software or set up a new home theater system, you can follow recipe instructions. Now, I might be at an advantage because I grew up in a restaurtanteur family from the South of France and the culinary arts run through my veins, but I can assure you that you can do this…and I’m going to tell you how to get started! If you have the time, money, and confidence, you really should take a cooking class…but you more than likely don’t…am I right? So, in the meantime, I am going to give you a few suggestions to get you rolling:

♥ First, you are going to take note of any food allergies, sensitivities, preferences, or dislikes (it seems that in this day in age everyone has a “nutritional issue”), and be sure to pay attention to that list when choosing a certain recipe.

♥ Go to Bed, Bath & Beyond, or some other kitchenware store, and buy these important (unless you have them in your house already): Measuring spoons (both with American and metric measurements), measuring cups, the varied sized, angled ones by OXO that give you an overhead view of the level; an instant read meat thermometer; and a very good kitchen (Psycho style) knife. The rest like pots and pans, baking sheets, and bowls you should already have…if not get those too, but only gradually when your specific recipe warrants it…why buy a muffin tray when you aren’t going to make muffins? you’ll save hundred upon hundreds of dollars this way.

♥  Next, go to your nearest bookstore (Boarders, Barnes & Noble, or online via the Amazon.com cook book section) and spend some time in the cooking section to see if there is any particular recipe book that jumps out at you. The most basic, and thorough, cookbook that has been a staple with housewives since 1931 is the ever popular Joy of Cooking. A great book, but be warned, it is very technical and has no pictures to compare your dish to. Look for a book that you feel comfortable with, and that shows you what to expect when it comes to the final results. When you do find such a book, buy it and try to make at least half, if not all, the recipes included. Experiment by yourself or with family members and ask for honest and constructive critisism. The true art of cooking is basic Trial & Error. And for those of you who love to barbecue, you must get this great book: How to Grill: The Complete Illustrated Book of Barbecue Techniques!

♥ If you don’t find a fetching recipe book, or if you want a free recipe resource, go to Foodnetwork.com which is the Food Network’s official website. This amazing website has a huge database of recipes showcased on their shows. Hint: keep away from Emeril Lagasse’s recipes. Bonus: the recipes on this website are written to be very simple in their instruction and rated by level of difficulty.

♥ Speaking of the Food Network, if you get the channel on your cable plan, you must make sure to watch this one show: Alton Brown’s Good Eats. It’s an awesome show that delves into the science of cooking…kinda like an episode of C.S.I. - Cooking Scene Investigation — and Alton Brown, although a bit quirky, is rather informative, and very, very funny! I’ve learned so much from this show…and so should you!

♥ Whatever you decide to cook, and impress your lover with, remember to also pay great attention to detail (starting to sense a theme here?) when it comes to setting the table. Fork, knife, clean plate, candles (remember rule/tip #3), and don’t forget to put some darkwave music in the background. Set the scene, as it where.

♥ If all else fails, you can always fall back on what I call Quasi-cooking. This is where you take already prepared food and either re-heat, heat-up, and arrange in a tasteful manner on a plate to make it seem as though you’ve spent hours preparing said dish. This can even done effectively with Chinese food take out, or even pizza, if done with flare! Presentation is half the art of cooking. Hint: to keep things warm, but not burn or dry out the food, put it in your oven with the temperature between 200 & 250 degrees.

♥ Bon Appetit!!!

Even more romantic tips to come soon. I’m chock full of ‘em!!!

See you in the Dark!
Sir William Welles

Two Day-Crawling hunters were out in the woods when one of them collapsed. He didn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes were glazed. His companion took out his cell phone and called 911.
“My friend is dead,” he gasped. “What should I do?”
The 911 operator responded, “Calm down, I can help, First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There was a silence, then the sound of a gunshot.
The guy returned to the phone and said, “O.k., now what?”

Greetings my dear Gothlings!

As promised, I am back to disperse more darkly romantic tips, rules, suggestions, and tid-bits for those of you who are fortunate enough to have a special someone in your life. On the “Romancing the Goth” blog post we left off at number 6: Compliments. Let’s pick up from there!

7. One of the most reliable, yet cost effective (ie. Free!), thing you can do is eye contact. Not just looking into her or his eyes, but really gaze into them. Lose yourself in those eyes! Moreover, spice up this gaze with several emotion laden squints, winks, sad puppy-dog eyes,worrisome eyebrows, and especially mysterious and sultry glances. Then, try to communicate with your lover by only using direct eye contact and facial expressions. If done correctly, after a few weeks of practice, it will seem to each other that you can both read one another’s minds by simple glances. This will elevate your bonded relationship to a whole new level, I promise. After all, they say (I don’t who “they” is) that the eyes are the windows to the soul…it’s true!

8. O.k., being extremely old-fashioned when it comes to romance and courting (dating) a woman, I want to make tip/rule #8 thus: (this being for just the guys) No matter how financially strapped you may be, or no matter what the arrangement you may have made beforehand…if you go out to dinner with a woman (those in a homosexual relationship, I really can’t help you here) you WILL pay for the entire meal!!! No questions asked. Point blank. End of story. Even though our precious Goth scene is more of a female dominant culture, and not for the sake of coming across as a male chauvinist pig believing that if a man pays for dinner he is entitled to some sort of pay-back, preferably in the form of sexual favors. Hardly! I don’t care what the arrangement is (unless, maybe, if the dinner is your birthday gift or something), as a man, you shall always pay for dinner. The only thing you shall expect in exchange is to be graced by her presence in the interim. Even though I can feel a bunch of women shaking their heads in disapproval, this practice actually stems back from the caveman days, on through the age of chivalry, and should remain so right up to today…period! And to those ladies that disagree with me: Come on…admit it…you like not having to pay for a meal.

9. This is a simple one: On a full moon night (you technically have a choice of three nights per lunar cycle) go out for a moonlit stroll. A little tough to do in N.Y.C. with all the city lights, I know, however not impossible. Go by the rivers’ edges, go by Battery Park City, or even better yet, go take a moonlit stroll on Roosevelt island! With the wonderful city skyline as a backdrop, you can’t help but feel all dark and fuzzy inside! Pick a favorite strolling area and make it a date to go each full moon. And while on that stroll, be sure to really talk to one another. You will be amazed how many old and cranky couples I see at my family’s restaurant who will face each other at a table for an entire meal and not have two words to say to one another. Sad, really. Don’t be one of those people. Take the time and effort to appreciate your mate…moonlit stroll or not.

10. This one is really important…and forgotten…The art of writing Love Letters! In this day in age, with all the emailing, texting, messaging, and twattering everyone does back in forth, the true art of writing and sending a letter to a loved one is virtually lost. And I don’t mean typing out a cheesy letter on MS Word, printing it out on your HP printer, stuffing it in a #10 envelope and slapping a “forever” stamp on it! No, I’m talking about the extreme old-school method! Go to an art store like Pearl Paints, Lee’s Art Shop, or a specialty stationery store and buy these things: Parchment paper, parchment envelopes, a good pen (preferably an old fashioned fountain pen, or even better still, a quill and inkwell), envelope seal wax (blood red), and a seal stamp with your initial engraved. Then you will take the time to meticulously write out a letter to your loved one that will express your deep longing and affection for them. Pretend as though you haven’t seen her in over a month and that she is miles away. Try also to also include some old-world vocabulary in your letter to give it a bit more authenticity. Now, sign it, stuff it neatly in an envelope, ritualistically light a candle, melt the seal wax, drip some on to the envelope flap, and seal it with the seal stamp. You might want to practice a few times on a normal envelope to get the hang of it. Then, most importantly, have it hand delivered, maybe by a friend, just like back in the day when valets and servants were commonplace. Take the time to do this often…to bring formality in your life isn’t necessarily a bad thing! 

More romantic tips to come soon!

A cute little “Babybat” Goth girl walked into a pet shop and asked in the sweetest little lisp:
“Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits here?”
As the shopkeeper’s heart melted, he got down on one knee to her level and asked:
“Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like this cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?”
The little Goth girl leaned forward and said in a quiet voice:
“I don’t fink my pet python weally gives a thit.”

Greetings my dear Gothlings!

The craziest shit keeps happening to me…WHY?!? Just last night (Tuesday), after a small stint at Otto’s Shrunken Head for Father Vincent’s Dark Water, I sauntered up to my local neighborhood bar, the Blue Room, to say hello to a few non-Goth friends, including the Manager/Bartender, Bob, who is undergoing chemotherapy, and call it an early night. Actually, another one of these friends was M.C.ing a karaoke night there which was always very painful to hear due to drunken idiots who think that they sound like a top-grade singer when belting out a Guns ‘n Roses tune.

I sit down at my usual stool at the end of the bar and quietly sip on my habitual glass of white wine with a glass of ice on the side, while jotting down a few words in my notebook. Hogging the karaoke was this English “bloke” that was rather dweebish and definitely drunk. I paid no mind to any of it. Soon enough my friend wrapped up the karaoke session at about 1:15AM. Whew! But, sure enough, a moment later, I felt this drunk guy’s eyeballs pointing my way. Oh Crap, I thought to myself, he’s going to want to talk to me, isn’t he? Just as he tried to sit down on the stool next to me, I got up and headed to the bathroom to avoid any conversation with this Elvis Costello looking idiot.

As I exited the bathroom, this guy then asks me if I want to play a game of pool with him. “Uh…no, I don’t play pool,” I stated to avoid, yet again, any conversation with this fool and walked off to regain my stool and glass of wine at the head of the bar. The next thing I know this guy sits next to me again! I had to double-check that I didn’t wander into a gay bar by mistake, but nope, same ol’ Blue Room (maybe the name threw him for a loop). Suddenly, I am having the following surreal interaction with this guy that went exactly like this (he starts):

“Let me ask you an obvious question,” he says. Now, I’m thinking he is going to ask me if I was a Vampire, a devil worshipper, in a cult…you know the usual nonsense. No.
“What question,” I ask naively.
“How much do you charge?”
“How much do I…huh?” I exclaim. “Charge for what?”
“You will probably think I am a fucking idiot for asking…”
I quickly return, “Yes, I do think you are a fucking idiot,” but I press on, “but how much I charge for what?”
He blushes a bit, I scowl, he continues, “You know. How much do you charge?”
WTF?!?!?!?! “Charge FOR WHAT?!?!?!” I yell. Now in my mind I’m having a debate with myself. Should I just crack my fist across this guy’s face (the manly, barroom brawly way) and possibly get the cops involved — there was a squad car parked directly across the street — and possibly be charged with assault, not to mention possibly breaking a nail (LOL!)? Should I simply walk away? Should I tell this guy to “bugger off” (which what he was possibly looking for in the first place)? Or what?
At that point, Bob, the Manager/Bartender, sensing a commotion at the end of the bar, instructs this “bugger” to move to the opposite end of the bar by stating, “He doesn’t want to talk to you, buddy! C’mon! Go to your beer at the other end!”
This guy turns to me, sways a bit and asks me, “You don’t want to talk to me?”
“FUCK NO!” is what I responded in an instant. All eyes are on this scene now. Then, after taking the biggest hint known to mankind, he moved down to the other end of the bar, and thus leaving me alone to ridicule the entire situation with my group of friends. Bonus: Within the next 20 minutes finishing a sloppy game of pool, this idiot was promptly thrown out of the establishment for being…well…a fucking annoying freak!!!

And, of course, he tries to protest and attempts to come back in for one last beer. “GET OUT!!!!” we all scream at him. It always amazes me how when every time some really shitfaced guy gets thrown out of a bar, any bar, they fight tooth and nail to get back in, as if it is the only bar in town! Why would you want to go back into a place where everyone thinks you’re an absolute tool for further humiliation? I Just don’t get it!

Back to the issue at hand: Let me get one thing straight with everyone right now: often, due to the length of my hair, the occasional eye make-up (Guy-Liner!), my black nail polish covered claws, and meticulous fashion style, as well as my disinterest of cars, sports, and other testosterone related activities (other than acourtin’ the ladies), I do get prejudged as a homosexual…which I am not. Comedian Russell Brand says it best:

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being gay, and, in case you haven’t realized it yet but, the Goth culture has quite a lot in common with the Gay community, along with some overlaps from time to time. So, calling or assuming I am gay is not an insult to me. Point black.
BUT A GAY PROSTITUE?!?!?!?!?!?!?  WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FROM?!?!?!?!?!!?

See you in the dark!
Sir William Welles

Greetings my dear Gothings!

Let me first start off by saying: HO-LEE-SHIT!!! Did anyone catch the license plate number of that party that hit me last Sunday night?!? If there ever was a once-a-year, must-go-to, can’t-miss-this, party in our scene, The Bank Reunion at Club Element this past Sunday night night was it! Virtually everyone in the scene (and then some) attended this colossal shin-dig enmasse, and I have never (in my few years covering the Goth Culture) seen an event this crowded before 11pm! Maybe coming at a close second would be the Bi-Annual SMack! parties, when it was held at the same venue.

From what I heard on the streets, it was estimated to have been approximately 1,200 people in and out of the event over the course of the entire 6 hour evening! At around 12:30am it got so crowded that it was close to impossible to get around, let alone move floor to floor. Moreover, since the venue’s management underestimated the turnout, they failed to employ the proper number of bar-staff, thus resulting in up to a half an hour wait for a drink! At one point, when I was feeling somewhat parched, I simply bought two drinks just to save myself the wait of the next one…smart, huh? And speaking of drinks, the one major gripe everyone had upon their lips that night was the venue’s elevated dink costs. To put it into perspective, they had a Blood Bath drink special…nothing shocking there…but the drink (special) price was $7.00! uh…anywhere else in the scene that would be the normal asking price of a Blood Bath! What was so special??? Mixed drinks, I overheard, were in the $10 to $12 dollar range and above…ouch! And the beers started at $6.00(ish). maybe in hindsight actually was beneficial to your wallet to wait more than a half an hour to get your next drink!

O.k., so the overcrowding and the expensive drinks are really the only negative elements of the night. Other than that, this event was amazing!!! Truth be told, Club Element has one of, if not the, best sound systems in a club, in our scene. Did you know that in the lower level, known as “The Vault,” in those small sectioned off rooms between the bar and dance floor, the speakers on the wall each have a volume control knob that you can adjust?!? That is too cool!!! Check it out when I host Ravenholm in The Vault on October 15th…but I digress. Those getting an extra kick of the state-of-the-art sound system were, of course, the DJs. The impressive, and reunited  DJ list included: Ian Fford, Rob Xian, Patrick, Cyn, Hellraver, Krieg, and Father Jeff; each of them concentrating on pure Goth classics. The dance floor was swaying with bodies in unison like a snake under the hypnotic charm of a Fakir…and although the DJs all look very serious and focused as they toiled at their craft, they were undoubtedly loving every last luscious minute of their sets!

The thing I enjoyed most however was how low-key the event was (in form). Let me explain: The upstairs (main) area of Club Element tends to want to be rather ultra-posh and glamorous…something we Goths tend to shy or claw away from, that is why we prefer “The Vault” downstairs. On Sunday, however, the lighting and atmosphere, although crowded, was held constant and not flashy, which was a very welcomed detail. The only other thing I (and a lot of the Goth crowd) wish the promoters would have done was enforce at least an “all black minimum” dress code. I know that they were trying to lure those who have drifted away from the scene, and it goes very well with our “September is…Reintroduce a former Goth to the scene Month,” but some of those people could have made the slightest of effort. Hell! I even saw one guy in a red, white, and blue Hawaiian shirt!!! Really?!? Waddayagonnadoo? Those who did dress the part really did go all out to look impeccable! I still don’t understand how Shien Lee, organizer/promoter of Dances of Vices, got around in that stunning Victorian dress.

With the success of the Bank Reunion attempt, I am not sure if the promoters will wait another 10 years to have another installment or have it become a yearly event (the Club Element management would be fools not to slot this event for next year’s Labor Day Sunday, and more after that), which I would deem as a very wise thing to do! Maybe it is not just a Bank reunion…but a Bank comeback…think about it.

See you in the Dark!
Sir William Welles 

Greetings my dear Gothlings!

O.k., I’m not going to beat around the (black rose) bush here: If you have been to the Saturday weekly Asylum Guild nights (now moved to QXT’s every first Saturday of the month) when it was held at The Pyramid Club’s lower level…you are going to be treated to pretty much the same thing, like it or not (I can hear the DJs/promoters grinding their teeth as I type! LOL!). HOWEVER (!!!), the Defcon event does reserve certain (less is more) surprises up its sleeve that separates it from its former self. Think of it as a sort of evolution.

First, and what I think might be the most important, is the fact that the music isn’t as loud as when it was Asylum Guild…Oh! It’s still loud…just not AS loud (thump-thump!). You have to understand, the lower level has maybe only an 7 or 8 foot ceiling compared to the upstairs section that has a ceiling somewhere between 18 to 20 feet. Sound waves travel faster and have more impact on your eardrums in a smaller space…simple science. Verdict: less loud = more enjoyable!

The second, and my favorite, surprise is that someone had the brilliant idea to quarter off the bar area from the dance floor with a simple, yet effective, thick black curtain. Now, this downstairs area was small enough, granted, but somehow this ingenious detail not only cuts down any music bombardment even further, but it also creates a more intimate area, something the upstairs (main) space severely lacks! Moreover, this simple curtain also forces those entering the space to delve deeper into it to explore it inadvertently creating a more filled venue. And even further, this curtain, on the other side, creates a tighter, more intimate and intense dance floor where one can lose one’s self in the dancing instead of feeling as though they were on stage or on display.

The third surprise is the music itself! The Industrial/EBM/Electro heavy tunes being spun is well crafted by an impressive line-up of resident DJs that are experts at this type of music. The DJ are: Hellraver, Krieg, Stalagmike, Merc, and Wintermute, and that line-up really sets this Industrial events from the others. Plus, being a weekly event you always have the alternative to head on over there if you need to get an EBM fix!

Lastly, not really a surprise but a bonus that is held over from Asylum Guild, is watching daring Day-Crawlers enjoying the 80’s pop night upstairs venture down to explore a slice of our scene and get immediately spooked out and run back to their safe khaki-wearing world upstairs! Priceless!!!

See you in the Dark!
Sir William Welles

Often when I am asked what type of Goth am I, I usually respond that I am a mixture of RomantiGoth and Victorian Goth, with a hint of Vampyre (just a hint, mind you). Having been born in France, I am extremely romantic individual! I enjoy the formality, the attention, the sultriness, and passion romance has to offer life, especially when you add a dark element to it — it’s what separates real romanticism from the sappy St. Valentine stuff the gift industry tries to cram down our throats. Unfortunately, I am probably the unluckiest men alive when it comes to having a chance at a deeply romantic relationship with women, it’s kind of a curse really, but that doesn’t stop me from praising and embracing romance. To tell you the truth, I derive my Goth angst from pining of love and romance that will somehow always elude me. *SIGH* -Dramatic Gothic lamenting over!- LOL!!!

Meanwhile, during my ongoing years of anguish I have amassed several romantic tips, rules, actions, tricks, and tid-bits for those (geared mainly for men, but not specifically) fortunate enough to have a lover could/should use to perpetuate the romance between them…all with a Gothy twist (*Note: This list will more than likely grow through several blog posts, but here are the first six):

1. The first and foremost rule of romance is to pay meticulous attention to detail! Favorite color (Ha! Black! That one’s easy!), favorite Author, favorite color other than black, favorite band, clothing/accessory sizes, special dates, likes, dislikes, etc.. this is what dating is all about! When going out to dinner, movie, club, with a date it is designed specifically to spend time together, doing an activity, and be able to explore one another through conversation and body language. Every time you hear your significant other say he or she likes something (or doesn’t like something…you can use that info in a funny, sarcastic way) and then find a creative way to incorporate that into a gift or occasion at a later date. The attention, and especially the remembering of said detail is always appreciated! This is a no-brainer.

2. Flowers. I personally find the giving of flowers a total waste of time, energy, and money! Why buy something that is guaranteed to die within two days? My Gothy solution: give murdered and mummified roses to your lover! Here’s how to do it: Buy a dozen red (passionate love color) medium to long-stemmed roses…you don’t have to spend a fortune, just be sure that the buds are well formed and tight. Take a long length of string and tie it to the end of each rose stem. Then, hang then upside-down in an arid place for about a week or so until they are fully dead and dry. After you’ve so cruelly killed these roses, take each one down very carefully (they are very brittle) and then generously spray them from tip to tip with hairspray. Yup, hairspray! This will preserve them for quite some time to come. Again, be careful when transporting said very fragile mummified roses. 

3. This one is very simple: Candles, Candles, Candles!!! Stock up on candles and use them…often! Have dinner together by candlelight (duh!). Watch a movie together at home by candlelight. Listen to music together by candlelight. Make passionate love by candlelight. Hell! Even have breakfast together by candlelight! Just don’t burn your place down. Plus, (bonus), you will save a lot on your electricity bill, and everyone (and I mean every-one) looks better and sexier in candlelight! Tip: For great prices on candles search on Google for “Candles Bulk” and browse the various online stores to order from.

4. O.k., this is one of the coolest romantic ideas I’ve ever come across…and it doesn’t involve giving anything to your girlfriend (this one works best for men to do, but not necessarily). Be prepared to earn a ton of “Brownie points!” On (or slightly before) your significant other’s birthday, send their mother (or both parents) a Thank You card thanking them for their existence! It was due to her/them, in the long run, that your lover is in your life…acknowledge that. You should however have had met the mother and/or father in question before doing so…otherwise it might seem a bit creepy. Also, be prepared to up the ante the following year with a small and thoughtful gift along with the thank you card. Your significant other will be sooooo impressed by this, unless…of course…they despise their parents.

5. Celebratory dates: sure there is always his/her birthday, anniversaries (large or small), Halloween, and even St. Valentine’s day if you want to fall into that commercial trap (I’ll have a special St. Valentine’s romance post in February)! No, this tip is to suggest that you get creative with coming up with special dates during the year that are dear to your relationship and that you and your partner can celebrate together. For example, you could celebrate Full Moon nights every 27.3 days; make an even bigger deal out of it when it is a Blue Moon (did you know that the next Blue Moon actually falls on New Year’s Eve?); or maybe you might want to acknowledge a favorite Goth icon’s Birthday or Deathday in a special way (see NewGothCity.com for these dates); or even better yet, start a special yearly, monthly, or even weekly holiday that only both of you invent and enjoy! The bottom line here is that you and your partner spend time ritualistically appreciating a special event together.

6. Compliments! Again, take notice of detail and offer your loved one at least three compliments the time you spend together (or on the phone/text), per day. Simple, small compliments are just fine. You don’t have to go over the top. However, if you really want to get through to some one’s heart (this is kind of an under-handed trick, but the results are pleasing to all) what you should do is to positively compliment something that your lover is insecure about! For example: she…uh…let’s just say: she doesn’t like the shape of her…uh…ear lobes. Yeah, ear lobes, that’s it! She always tugs on them or hides them, keeps looking at them in the mirror and sighing, or whatever. Then at some point in time, out of the blue, you say something like: “You know what I like about you? Your ear lobes, they’re so cute!” she will naturally return something like: “What? Are you kidding me? You’re just saying that! My ear lobes are hideous!” That’s when you have to stick to your guns and say: “No, they are not! Not at least to me…I think they make you, you.” Follow up with a hug and/or kiss. The bonus behind this tactic is that it will boost her/his confidence and strengthen your bond with them all at the same time.

I hope these first six tips inspire you to allow a bit more romance into your relationship. Sure at the beginning of a relationship both of you are all ga-ga for each other and are all goofy and romantical and stuff, but with “normal,” “mundane” relationships those feelings always taper off and couples drift into a comfort zone, then into routine, and eventually into a rut. That’s because romance fades away after time for most. The Goth relationship should always involve a strong romantic edge to avoid “the rut.” The one main danger to Goth relationships, from what I have witnessed is, “the drama,” but more on that at a later date!

See you in the Dark!
Sir William Welles