Sir William Welles’ Nocturnal Diary

A Day-Crawling Salesman stopped at an isolated hotel to ask for a room for the night. The hotel owner said there wasn’t any vacancy but suggested: “I could let you sleep with my daughter if you promise not to bother her.”

The Day-Crawler agreed, quietly went to the room, undressed in the dark, slipped into bed and felt the owner’s daughter by his side. The next morning he asked the Hotel owner for his bill.

“It’ll be just ten dollars,” said the owner, “since you had to share the bed.”

“Your daughter was very cold in that bed,” said the Day-Crawler.

“Yes, I know,” replied the owner, “We’re gonna bury her today.”

Greetings my dear Gothlings!

Now, while my “Romancing the Goth” blog posts are usually reserved for romantic tips and tid-bits to give those fortunate enough to be in a relationship ideas to heighten their romance level, I want to shift gears here to discuss, dissect, and delve, into an age old adage:

“It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

Now, everyone of us has heard this at one point in our lives…but have you ever sat down and truly thought about what it means? Sure, on the surface it’s an easy way to soothe someone that has just been a victim of a break-up or, even worse, death of a loved one. Basically stating: “Hey! At least you’ve been there/done that, than rather being some loser that still lives in their parents’ basement!” But, the other day, this quote popped into my head as I was sorting out some emotional issues, and I really, really, started to ponder over this adage. Soon, I realized that I was totally on the fence when it came to this statement! Let us dissect it, shall we?

O.K., first off the quote presents two general, yet distinctive, scenarios, and blatantly states that one is way better off than the other. It’s a pretty broad stroke of a paint brush, if you think about it. I mean, every relationship is different in their own merit…I don’t think you can appropriately group everything into two categories of the ‘have lost’ and the ‘never hads.’ There is way more to consider…but for now we’ll play the game and focus on these two scenarios. Two categories of people: Those who have loved someone (at least once), and those who, for some inexplicable reason, has never loved anyone in their entire very lonely lives. And let me make something abundantly clear right here and now…I’m talking about romantic love…not the family/friend/pet type of love…real passionate/”let’s get married” love! O.K.? Got it? Good! Moving on…

In the first instance, said individual is someone who, at a certain point in his or her life, has had the distinct opportunity to have met another individual and thus proceeded to successfully cultivate the relationship up to a point to which one (the individual in question), or both individuals profess their love to one another. Then, tragically, at that instant, or even years down the line, due to a gaz-illion reasons — most tragic of the bunch: death —  said individual has lost the particular love in question. Quelle tristesse. So now, the individual is left there heart-broken and in pain…and that’s a good thing, right? Hmm…

In the second instance we are introduced to another (albeit tragic in his or her own right) individual who, for some inexplicable, yet obviously horrible, reason has never, and will never, fully experience true and actual love from another living human being. Again, Quelle tristesse…but this type of individual hardly exists!!! Hell, I’ve known and seen severely handicapped (mental & physical) people find great love with others! It’s a basic human instinct to seek it! No…the ‘never have loved’ crowd must be some really fucked up social misfits for this adage to so easily put them down as the worse of the two evils!

And, ultimately, this is, essentially, a battle between ‘two evils,’ is it not? Which one is worse: having a taste of sweet love yet having it removed after only a few bites, or never being able to sit at the table due to some serious lack of social skills, or maybe being a leper?!? Now…don’t get me wrong…if it seems like I’m coming down a bit harsh on the ‘never hads’ set, let me confess that I once belonged to that group…and possibly still do!

Without getting into too much great detail, my past dating life and relationships with the opposite sex has either been non-existent (mostly throughout high-school and college) or at the very least somewhat bizarre. A Con-woman, a stalker, a “I don’t know what just happen for the past month, but did it really happen, and why did it stop?” situation, and Morning-After Pill incident (not in any particular order) is only a taste of the cursed state my social life finds itself in. I don’t even really know if I even experienced true love anyways…but what I do know is that I’ve experienced lots and lots of loss. However, even as I find myself at the age when most men are going through their first or even second second divorce, I pine for romance with someone special…it’s a strong part of my Gothy angst!

Back to the issue at hand…How is it possible that those who have never loved someone be worse off than those that have lost a loved one??? Technically, those who have never loved, or been loved by anyone, do not know (or have experienced) what love actually feels like. Maybe a facsimile might be achieved by what the mass media dictates what real love “should” feel/be like via song lyrics, soap operas, dramas, and reality t.v. shows…but let’s put that aside…that’s a whole other topic for another posting. If anything, the ‘never hads’ might pine for the thought of love…not for anyone specific…someone who, theoretically, they have yet to meet. 

No. I think that I have to argue that it is “worse to have loved and lost than to to have never loved at all!” The pain of heartbreak is intense and very palpable. It cuts through you to the core. It’s almost as if that heavy and fluttering feeling you experience in your head, chest, abdomen, and loins when you are falling in love with someone is suddenly reversed. It feels almost the same, but it’s stronger, darker, and much more hurtful. I’ve had the misfortune of experiencing both within a month’s worth of time…not pleasant. But again…every relationship is different…

Which brings me to a third (unthought of) scenario: the long distance relationship. Why doesn’t the adage cover this set-up? Although highly romantic, the long-distance relationship is in a sort of ‘purgatory’ between the two scenarios of ‘have lost’ and ‘never hads.’ Those who find themselves here are in a committed relationship while having lost said relationship to distance…so technically it’s better than both the ‘have losts’ and the ‘never hads,’ right? Sure, there is hope involved with this situation…however, the long distance relationship is always plagued with problems, namely jealousy, and the inevitable separation of commonality…slowly taking a path toward being a ‘have lost’ when the end-all statement of “I think we should see other people,” is uttered by one of the participants.

Actually, after pondering over this entire subject, I’ve concluded that whomever created this old, and somewhat seemingly wise, saying belonged to the fourth scenario, also missing from said saying, of romance categories: ‘the haves!’ These individuals have it best, don’t they? They found love at least once and still have it…they have no idea what the other ‘never had’ or ‘have lost’ scenarios feel like…but I’m sure they know someone who just went through a gut-wrenching break-up and will smugly advise:

“It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

BULLSHIT!!! The saying should read something like:“It is better to love and hold on to it then to be in a long distance relationship which will more than likely result in a lost love, but if you’ve never loved at all…ignorance is bliss!”

No…I’m not bitter… 

See you in the Dark!
Sir William Welles

A leper walked into Don Hill’s at Salvation and sat down at the bar, whereupon the bartender threw up all over himself and the floor.
The leper looked hurt and said: “Hey, I know I’m not exactly handsome, but I do have feelings!”
Wiping the vomit from his mouth with his sleeve, the bartender replied:

“I’m sorry, man, but it wasn’t you. It’s just that Dj Cyn next to you keeps dipping his crackers in your neck.”

Greetings my dear Gothlings!

As some of you have heard via my Facebook profile, some fucked up Day-Crawler stole my black tuxedo jacket the other night! Oh…I got it back all right…but let me tell you the bizarre series of events to you to prove once and for all that 95% of Day-Crawlers are absolutely and completely brain fractured!!!

After leaving Absoloution’s Walpurgisnacht celebration down on Ludlow Street, I went to a familiar Irish pub found very close (stumbling distance, I like to call it) to my apartment, to say hello to the owner, who is an old friend of mine. I will withhold the name of the establishment here because they were in no shape or form responsible for what happened.

Now, as I walked into the place, I noticed a sizable crowd of Day-Crawlers at the bar and booths…it was a Friday night, I’ll admit, but, again, I know the owner and the staff very well and always feel comfortable there. They actually all light up when I arrive…I am their breathe of ‘putrid’ air!

Being that the warm summertime climate was thwarted upon us like a vengeful tsunami, I naturally decided to peel off my jacket and place it on the back of a stool by my glass of wine. Then, I thought it a good idea to go to the jukebox and play something “different” to liven up this mundane crowd…Harry Belafonte’s “Jump in the Line,” best remembered from the last scene in Beetlejuice, always seems to be a great crowd pleaser…when I return to my stool –very close to where the owner of the bar is standing, mind you — I find some drunken, pudgy, little Day-Crawling girl, not more than 25 orbits around the sun in existence, sitting at my stool, on which my jacket is perched. I think nothing of it and, being quite the gentleman that I am, I relinquish the stool to her and politely move my jacket to the next available one directly to her right.

Soon enough, a few more songs pop into my head and I hurried back to the jukebox to educate all of these Day-Crawlers that there is indeed music that exists outside of the Lady Gaga and Jay Z realm. To tell you the truth, I don’t even remember what I played. The moment I turned back around, I immediately noticed something amiss…namely my jacket!

I instinctively ran out of the bar in a panic only to find the street perfectly barren as I scanned the horizons. I ran back in to ask the security guard/bouncer if he’d seen anyone leave with a black jacket. He informed me that only a small group of girls just left. I wasn’t so much concerned for my jacket as much as for the invaluable New Goth City Matrix cell phone kidnapped in its pocket!!!! Then it hit me…I’ll call the Matrix phone from my personal cell phone, which I keep in my vest pocket! As I speed dialed the NGC Matrix phone, I thought to myself that the ‘perp’ wouldn’t be foolish enough to answer it so soon after the crime, right? It rang twice…

“Hello?” a girl’s slurred voice answered.
“Hey! You’ve got my jacket,” I snapped back.
“Yeah…”
“Well come back here and give it back to me!” I ordered.
“No…”
“What do you mean no, you crazy bitch?!?”
“I’m not going back…you can come meet me,” she replies right before hanging up on me!

I was seething by now. I have no clue in which direction to head in. I started toward 3rd Avenue since the subways were in that direction as I dialed MY phone back. She picks up again:

“What?” she smugly answers.
“Where the fuck are you?”
“60th and 2nd…”
“Come back to the *** bar this instant,” I barked.
“No…”
“Fine…just stay at 60th and 2nd…I’ll find YOU!!!”

The next few seconds were a blur as I dashed back toward 2nd Avenue where I should find her at a speed that even impressed myself while I was trying to keep her on the line.

Then, as I rounded the corner, I saw, in the distance, the same pudgy drunk Day-Crawler from before…holding my jacket. My eyes and mind locked onto her like an Eagle on its unsuspecting prey. In an instant I found myself snatching back my jacket and phone from her clutches. To add insult to injury, she starts giving ME attitude via a snide look! 

“What the fuck is your malfunction?” I snap at her.
She stumbled a bit as her eyes tried to focus on the both of me and added, “Whatever, dude…”
“Whatever? You fuckin’ stole my jacket! What the fuck do you mean: ‘Whatever, dude?’”

She stumbled around a bit more trying to get her footing on obviously a sidewalk that was moving way too much under her feet for her taste. At this point I just took pity on her drunken stupidity.

“Go home, you stupid Day-Crawler,” I finally state as I slip on my jacket, feeling its welcomed familiarity over my shoulders, and turned back toward the bar…leaving her to find her way home without getting raped or killed. Good luck with that, I thought to myself as she stumbled in the opposite direction.

As I returned toward the original scene of the crime, I notice a small Aqua-Green box of Listerine breath strips lying on the sidewalk before me. This reminds me that I had a small pack of these in my jacket pocket. I check said pocket and indeed…they were gone! I pick up the fallen breathe strips and, sure enough, they were full…these were mine!!! What else is missing, my mind raced once again. In a flash, I took a mental inventory of my belongings while conducting a full upper torso search of myself. Result: Only one thing missing, a pair of very cool, and fragile, purple sunglasses that, fortunately, I just bought two extra pairs of, from the Gothic Renaissance store for only $8.99 each, just three days prior to the incident. Evidently, she was going through my pockets and dumping out stuff she deemed not worthy or uninteresting…fucking KLEPTO!!!

But the lesson in all of this is thus: Even though to most Day-Crawlers I look strange and evil — Hell! Some of these morons think I’m actually Satan walking the Earth! — I am, again, a proper gentleman that has vowed never to hit or strike a woman…except in maybe extreme self-defence…especially not a pathetic drunk one such as this one. This girl will never, ever realize how lucky she was that she picked my jacket to steal and to have been stupid enough to answer my Matrix phone…there a plenty of idiotic misogynists men out there, running loose, who would have gladly beat the shit out of this girl (or worse) for far less than what she did to me!!! And one day, for she is still young and dumb, sadly for her, it shall happen…

See you in the Dark!
Sir William Welles